now i know why i became what i already was.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
