Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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