Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
