Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
