Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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