I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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