Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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