Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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