I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
