If that was your dad, he is hot
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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