Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
