we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
