Only a mothe r could love this liver
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
