Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
