remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
