I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
