I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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