The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
