shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
id be glad to
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
