I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
