Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
