when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
