I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
