bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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