Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
