I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
