bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
