life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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