I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
