your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
