Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
