i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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