I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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