operation harelip BJ is a go
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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