Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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