oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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