i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
