I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
