then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
