Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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