every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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