More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
