I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
