i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
