I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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