The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i believe in u and ur pee
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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