office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
