i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
