Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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