worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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