so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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