My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
