His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
accomplished twins. life is a go
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
